Alimony Blues

So yesterday the pest control guy saw my "Stop Permanent Alimony" bumper sticker and put me onto a Led Zeppelin song "Livin', Lovin' Maid":

Alimony, alimony, payin' your bills

livin', lovin', she is just a woman

I've never been a Led Zeppelin fan, but the image of a groupie "with a purple umbrella and a fifty cent hat" who followed the band around because someone else was paying her bills rings true. 

Of course, what could be better to convey the hopeless misery one feels when paying your ex so much of your earnings that his or her lifestyle is better and freer than yours than the blues? Eddie Cleanhead Vinson sings,

Alimony alimony I thought I bought steak and it was all baloney

My heart and back are both about to break from paying' for my mistake yeah.

If country music is more your speed, you can yodel along with Joe Manuel's "Alimony Blues." Manuel reminds us that "we all have trouble sometimes" but that his two wives are just too much. Mel Tillis and the Old Dogs have their own version. Listen at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9701YPoAcbM

Even Weird Al Yankovic spoofed Billy Idol's "Mony Mony" with his song "Even Worse--Alimony." Hard to listen to, but straight to the point.

When sifting through all the various alimony songs, whether rock, blues, country, or pop, you will find that they all ask the same question one song explicitly queries," Judge, where is your justice?"

In a recent motion to reconsider, the judge refused to take into account proof of my husband's monthly earnings, but chose instead to continue to impute $7,000 a month (which he is not making). Even if he were earning that much, the alimony would still be 24% of his monthly income (this is alimony only, not child support, which is additional). As it stands, he is paying something like $49% of what he works for each month.

I have an uncle who paid 80% of his income to his ex-wife for some years. He barely eked out an existence. The difference is, his alimony in Pennsylvania ended when his children turned 18. No such luck in our case. The alimony is permanent. Judge, where is your justice?

The Many Faces of Permanent Alimony

Permanent alimony creates hardships not only for the person who got divorced and is making the payment, but for new spouses, teenagers aspiring to attend college, and even grandparents helping adult children who have been stripped of financial independence because of high alimony payments. Finally, many people can't even retire, because the alimony they are supposed to pay until their death or their spouse's is just that high. This blog was created to bring the wide range of people negatively affected by permanent alimony to light. You might be 67 or you might be 17. Permanent alimony is ruining your right to go to college, retire, or to simply bear the fruits of your own labor.

First of all, let's be clear. Alimony Reform in South Carolina is about ending permanent alimony, not  about doing away with short-term or what is sometimes called rehabilitative alimony. Most people agree that if at the time of a divorce one spouse earns significantly more than the other, then the lesser earning spouse deserves financial support from the higher earner for a period of time until he or she is able to adjust to the new circumstances. Divorce is hard enough, and the financial transition can be very difficult for everyone involved.

That said, the financial support should not go on indefinitely. Permanent alimony is a remnant of a bygone era, when women gave up their rights and their property to their husbands upon getting married and when there were very few professions open to women. Even well into the 20th century, it was next to impossible for a woman to support herself financially after a divorce. With more women getting college educations in the United States today than men, those days are long gone. Permanent alimony has become economic servitude, and cases of hardship abound.

For example, sometimes the ex-wife will intentionally take a lesser earning job, because she can more or less live off of her ex-husband, who then can't retire because he can't live off his retirement and pay her alimony.

Or an ex-wife might indebt herself by purchasing a second home and claim financial need for continued permanent alimony as a result; the court might even ignore the financial downturn the husband has experienced and order him to continue with exorbitant payments that don't reflect the fact that over the years, the earning power of the ex-wife has become almost equal to that of her ex-husband.

While technically the second wife is not supposed to pay the alimony of the first, if your husband is about to be thrown into jail for contempt because the court will not give him relief, the second wife might be left with little choice.

Again, the horror stories abound. You probably have one yourself.

So if you find yourself paying your ex as you are staring in the face of tuition costs for your college freshman, or if you have worked for decades and now simply want to retire, a right you have earned, or if your finances have been impacted because your spouse's ex won't stand on his or her own two feet, join us in ending permanent alimony in the State of South Carolina. And tell us your story.

Share Your Story!

Are you a second wife or partner? Most of us have stumbled across stories of women (usually women, but sometimes men) who are either making their spouse's alimony payment or choosing not to marry their partner because they know their finances will then become linked to their new spouses's and alimony will become their burden. I remember thinking--how awful! How outrageous! How can the laws be so inequitable? Really? And then one day, I woke up and found that I was that second wife! I am paying my husband's ex-wife's alimony and barely making ends meet. To be honest, the ends are not meeting, and we have three teenagers headed toward college.

Share your story with an audience who understands! Are you working and your husband's ex-wife is not? Have you decided not to marry the person you love, so that your finances don't become entangled with his or her alimony payments? There are worse stories out there than mine.

We want to hear your voice! In other states like Massachusetts, the Second Wives Club created a significant push to bring reform to egregious, antiquated alimony laws. We can do the same! Let's get the conversation rolling. . .