So I was in Charlotte recently and received more questions about my "Stop Permanent Alimony" bumper sticker in North Carolina than I have ever gotten here in SC. People were simply curious. What I found so heartening was that most of the questions came from individuals in their thirties, who really didn't understand the concept of alimony, especially permanent alimony. One guy was quite confused to see me, a female, approach my car, since he assumed a man would be driving a car with an anti-alimony (permanent alimony) sticker on it. I explained that I, too, was paying the alimony. He asked if this was different than child-support, and I replied that not only is it different, it's permanent. This type of alimony does not end when your children turn eighteen.
His questions was, "But why?" I could only smile. "That's a very good question," I answered. He couldn't imagine why you would continue to pay for an ex-spouse, an adult, as if they are a child, indefinitely. I don't know what divorce laws are like in NC, but I explained that in SC, depending upon the situation and especially if there is a difference in income and earning power at the time of the divorce, you can get stuck with permanent alimony. I explained that my husband was married for eight years and had paid alimony and child-support for eight years to the tune of close to a half a million dollars. He was shocked. We acknowledged that sometimes, but less often, women pay alimony to ex-husbands and that some women do not get the alimony awards they deserve.
The reactions from both men and women, all in their early thirties, give me hope, because they suggest that Millennials take for granted that they are responsible for themselves and that marriage and subsequent divorce should not free you from the need or desire to take care of yourself. These reactions also suggest that such assumptions will eventually lead to changes in divorce law and the way alimony is awarded.
Before parting ways, I made it clear that I think alimony has its place, but that permanent alimony is a crushing burden. He really got it. He thanked me for my explanation and walked away shaking his head, but not before pointing out that some of the wealthiest women in the world happen to be divorcees with whopping alimonies.
How can I help? My husband is paying alimony permanent alimony. It has caused us so much hardship to a woman who didn't have children with him or mortagae and lives in CAlifornia (we were told). We cannot get the court system here in York County sc to help us. He constantly has to go to court and gets nowhere. She isn't required to update any info to court system so we can get alimony reduced or stopped. We will be homeless if this continues because we can't pay her and live in our apartment.
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ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Let your representatives and senator from your district know you are for alimony reform. If you haven't already, join SC Alimony Reform. We send out regular announcements on how our members and the public can help reform alimony laws. Right now, we have bills in both the House and the Senate. We are doing everything we can to create change! We appreciate your support and know everyone will benefit from more equitable laws.
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