Permanent alimony creates hardships not only for the person who got divorced and is making the payment, but for new spouses, teenagers aspiring to attend college, and even grandparents helping adult children who have been stripped of financial independence because of high alimony payments. Finally, many people can't even retire, because the alimony they are supposed to pay until their death or their spouse's is just that high. This blog was created to bring the wide range of people negatively affected by permanent alimony to light. You might be 67 or you might be 17. Permanent alimony is ruining your right to go to college, retire, or to simply bear the fruits of your own labor.
First of all, let's be clear. Alimony Reform in South Carolina is about ending permanent alimony, not about doing away with short-term or what is sometimes called rehabilitative alimony. Most people agree that if at the time of a divorce one spouse earns significantly more than the other, then the lesser earning spouse deserves financial support from the higher earner for a period of time until he or she is able to adjust to the new circumstances. Divorce is hard enough, and the financial transition can be very difficult for everyone involved.
That said, the financial support should not go on indefinitely. Permanent alimony is a remnant of a bygone era, when women gave up their rights and their property to their husbands upon getting married and when there were very few professions open to women. Even well into the 20th century, it was next to impossible for a woman to support herself financially after a divorce. With more women getting college educations in the United States today than men, those days are long gone. Permanent alimony has become economic servitude, and cases of hardship abound.
For example, sometimes the ex-wife will intentionally take a lesser earning job, because she can more or less live off of her ex-husband, who then can't retire because he can't live off his retirement and pay her alimony.
Or an ex-wife might indebt herself by purchasing a second home and claim financial need for continued permanent alimony as a result; the court might even ignore the financial downturn the husband has experienced and order him to continue with exorbitant payments that don't reflect the fact that over the years, the earning power of the ex-wife has become almost equal to that of her ex-husband.
While technically the second wife is not supposed to pay the alimony of the first, if your husband is about to be thrown into jail for contempt because the court will not give him relief, the second wife might be left with little choice.
Again, the horror stories abound. You probably have one yourself.
So if you find yourself paying your ex as you are staring in the face of tuition costs for your college freshman, or if you have worked for decades and now simply want to retire, a right you have earned, or if your finances have been impacted because your spouse's ex won't stand on his or her own two feet, join us in ending permanent alimony in the State of South Carolina. And tell us your story.
My husband's ex wife has dated a very wealthy older man for the past five years, has bought a new house and also has a male roommate who pays rent that covers her mortgage. My husband is still required to pay her $2000 a month alimony because neither of these are considered cohabitation. However we can't afford to buy a house even though he works 10 hour days and she does not work and she has more assets than we do. Neither of their children could go to college or even live with her in her 150,000 house. The children are in their 20's and believe it's ok to have casual relationships and live with various people to quote "because Mom does".
ReplyDeleteI was formerly married for 15 years with 3 children and believe children need their mother every minute they are not in school. I gave up a career to raise my children and I do not regret that. I was aware that courts typically award 30% alimony but I asked for 10%. I knew what it would take for their father to survive and what it would take for me to survive and I did not want to depend on him. My goal was to go to work full time when the children were grown. I believe that's the way it should be.
ReplyDeleteI am remarried and my husband's ex wife's only goal is to get every cent from him that she can. She is very capable of supporting herself but instead chooses not to work and live a very irresponsible lifestyle and keep us in bondage so she can do it.
I know both sides of alimony and I know it desperately needs reform. I don't understand why judges don't look at all of the facts and give a fair ruling but they don't. They definitely need guidelines and the madness needs to stop. Both sides are loosing. One side learns to be greedy, lazy, and irresponsible while the other works every hour they can and worries how they will pay the bills of two households and not go to jail. When normal people are winding down for retirement recipients of alimony are building empires and there is no rest for the ones that have to pay them. There should not be a winner and a looser. Judges are supposed to be as fair as possible and they are not doing that.
My husband left everything they owned to his wife of 20yrs. House, cars, realestate parcels. Plus it's been 13 yrs of alimony. She lives in SC we live far away. She's cohabitated before. She won't give up $1 to make life easier for us. She is total self asorbed and feels entitled. She was just as responsible for the end of the marriage. In fact hubby wanted to reconcile but she insisted on divorcing him anyway. He is on disability and SS. She may be living with another woman. Doesn't that count as cohabitation? If the check gets their one day late she is calling and harrassing. 163 payments never more than a day off twice in 13 years. She is also now on SSI and is 68, hubby is 71. Can SC garnish his disability contracted payment or his meager Social Security? Can she have him put in jail at this age from 3,000 miles away? We drive very very old cars. Live like paupers. I never buy new clothes. I grow food for us. Hubby is beginning to have health issues and doctor bills. Please get this law changed so we don't have to put $10000 on a credit card to STOP this INSANITY! PLEASE!!!!
ReplyDeleteI can assure you, we are doing everything we can to get a reasonable law passed, a law that will bring some equity to situations like yours. It is shocking and tragic that permanent alimony has caused so much grief in families like yours. It is not easy to change presumptions and the status quo in a state like ours, but a step at a time we are making progress. Thank you for sharing your story.
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